嘘…悄悄告诉你,学霸的作文为何总能拿高分

每提到孩子的学习成绩,不少澳洲华人家长都说不愁数学,就愁写作。尽管孩子作文写得不差,但梦想考精英中学的学生仍需精益求精、更上一层楼。

这里咱们就开门见山,分享学霸的范文和专家的点评,文末也会分享重磅课程,切勿错过哦!

悉尼精英学校考试A+级写作水平

新州精英中学考试的佳作要满足哪些要求呢? Exam Success网站列举了高分作文具备的必要因素:

1、良好的架构;

2、大量精彩的语句,而非单调地陈述;

3、与作文题目关联度高。

 

考试
(图片来源:Adobe Stock)

举个简单的例子,如果考官要求写一只兔子的故事,请不要写小狗或其他动物的故事。除非小狗最好的朋友是兔子,但即便如此,兔子也必须是故事的中心。

新州教育厅在其精英学校考试官网上发布的写作例题值得参考。这是一道看图写作题,画面上没有人脸,只有人手和话筒;大多数人都穿着西装,每个人看起来都像在做记录,暗指“有一些非常重要的事要记录下来”。

看过这张图后,最容易联想到的是突发新闻。

一名拿到作文高分的学生这样写道:

我挤进人头攒动的记者群,急切报导现场发生的第一个独家新闻。(I barrel my way through the crowd of reporters, desperate for the first scoop of the scene happening. )

我们接到通知,现场发生了一起九车相撞的车祸,至少10人受重伤。 能够争取到采访警官机会的记者,回到办公室后将受到表扬。 温暖的沥青并没有阻挡发生在我眼前的踩踏事件;手提包、话筒和录音机在空中挥舞,或被丢弃在地上;嘈杂的声音在我耳边萦绕,几乎要把我的耳膜震破;记者们就像衣着光鲜的秃鹰,争先恐后冲上前,向猎物逼近。(We were notified that a nine stack car crash had occurred leaving at least ten people seriously injured.  The reporter who would be able to secure an interview with the Officer would be praised and glorified back at the office.  The warm ashphalt did nothing to hinder the stampede happening before my very eyes. Handbags, microphones and audio recorders were being waved about in air, or dropped and abandoned on the floor. A cacophony of noises surrounded my ears, almost bursting my eardrums.  The reporters were like slick and well-dressed vultures scrambling forward and closing in on their prey.)

 

考试
(图片来源:Adobe Stock)

“让开!让开!我说让开!” 我无助地喊道,但我的声音被其他记者的呼声掩盖,这些记者都在向保护犯罪现场的警官提问。最后,我一路向前闯进人群,在靠近人群前面的地方找到了一个位置,开始提问。 这是警官能听到我声音的唯一方式,这是我获得荣耀的机会。(“Move out of my way! I said move!” I shouted helplessly, but my pleas were lost in the cries of other questions  that were aimed at the Officers protecting the crime scene.  Finally barging headfirst and securing a spot near the front of the crowd, I started firing questions of my own.  It was the only way the Officer could hear me.  This was my chance to get glory.)

“先生,当您在麦当劳吃汉堡时,您是如何向不幸的遇难者家属透露这个消息的?还有,您真的协助这场车祸真正的罪魁祸首吗?” 话音刚落,警官的友善戛然而止。他年轻的面容皱起带有怒意的皱纹,咆哮道:“滚出去!出去!” 慢慢地,记者们纷纷看向我,他们的脸上都挂着和警官一样愤怒的皱纹。

(“Sir, how did you break the news to the unfortunate familes of the victims while you were eating hamburgers at McDonald’s? And did you really assist the car crash with the true conspirators?” As those words left my mouth the Officer’s friendly demeanour turned sour.  With a menacing scowl upon his youthful face he growled “Just. Get. Out.”  Slowly, one by one, each journalist turned on me having the same scowls on their faces as the Officer.)

我知道我违反了新闻业的一个规则,即永远不要激怒受访者。 在几秒钟内,我的荣耀时刻变成了耻辱; 更糟糕的是,这一刻被数十台录音机和笔记记录下来。 我将永远无法恢复我的尊严。

(I knew I had broken the one rule of journalism which was to never anger the interviewee.  In seconds my moment of glory turned into shame and in worse still, it was recorded by dozens of voice recorders and notes.  I would never be able to regain my dignity.)

 

这篇作文好在哪里呢? 专家点评说:

1、是以记者(第一人称)的角度写的;

2、写得有趣;

3、与题目(图画)关联度高;

4、描述得很好。譬如moment of glory、pleas were lost、well dressed vultures、warm asphalt、 cacophony等词语,写得非常生动。

5、架构良好,写作流畅。

 

考试
(图片来源:Adobe Stock)

不过,吸取学霸的经验只是提升成绩的其中一步,更重要的是系统训练与指导。这里小编给各位推荐“悉尼英语学校”(Sydney School of English,简称SSE)的快速写作(Speed Writing)课程,不容错过!

 SSE速写课

这门课是SSE专门为学生备考精英学校或奖学金的写作课,学生将学到基于以前的试卷和多年行业经验总结出的建议,也能亲自聆听悉尼最优秀的教师讲课,这些教师也会按照最高标准对学生的作文点评。

擅长速写好处多多,是考精英学校和领取奖学金的重要条件。SSE是该领域的专家,不仅有许多学生获得了最顶尖精英学校的录取通知书,还获得了最著名私校的奖学金,所以SSE的信誉不言自明。

不过应注意一点:速写不能代替写作和阅读理解(Writing and Comprehension)! 速写课是为了补充写作和阅读理解课而设计的,SSE一直都建议将写作和阅读理解作为首选课程。

而且,目前SSE的速写课仅对小学高年级的学生开放。

SSE
(图片来源:SSE)

报名速写课程后,您将获得更多折扣,如果在报名写作和阅读理解课的基础上再上速写课,可以在40澳元的早鸟或新学生折扣上再优惠25澳元,加起来相当于省了65澳元!

即使孩子不能参加第四学期的速写1期课程(Speed Writing 1)和第一学期的速写2期课程(Speed Writing 2),也不必失望哦,因为暑假还有机会:SSE的暑假课程中有一个为期三天的速写1期和2期强化讲习班。

机会难得,赶快报名吧!

 

SSE
中文报名

 

SSE
英文报名

电话:

Burwood:Suite 5, 132-134 Burwood Road, Burwood NSW 2134

(02)9745 6000

Hurstville:Level 1, 12-14 Ormonde Parade, Hurstville NSW 2220 

(02)8338 9454

 

官网: www.sydneyschoolofenglish.com.au

电子邮箱:[email protected]

 

 

 

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